A Love That Was Never to Be
by The Queen of Double Standards
Summary: Gakupo wasn't the only one who was in love with Rin, but he was the only one who knew he had no hopes of ever being with her. She loved someone else, after all, a man she'd met only once before and who she hadn't seen since. Still, he stayed by her side the summer when everything fell apart, hoping she'd one day see that he'd been there all along. GakuRin
1. I Will Forever Stay Faithfully by Her

Chapter One  
I Will Forever Stay Faithfully by Her Side

Kagamine Rin is a girl who is lucky in love.

Let's review the facts, shall we? First of all, she had a boyfriend: a senior named Piko, who I could barely bring myself to resent. Secondly, she had a best friend, a girl, who was hopelessly devoted to her beyond simple friendship: Gumi, a girl I quite liked and got on well with. Third was a boy who I'll get to later, and then there were a few others who aren't of as much consequence. Fourth, there was me: Gakupo, her childhood friend, next door neighbour, and the one whose feelings she never noticed. Then, on top of that all, add _him._ Kiyoteru, the love of her life, her soul mate, the man she'd been in love with ever since she met him for the first and last time three years ago. Obviously, my chances with her were lower than low, but, at the same time, I knew that I was the closest to her. I had the most opportunities to make my move, even if I never did, so I liked to think that the ball was in my court.

It wasn't. It never was.

We were fourteen years old, barely old enough to recognize feelings of love. Everything we felt could be blamed on hormones, I supposed, which is why our relationships were rarely taken seriously by adults. I'd been in love with Kagamine Rin since our days in diapers. Even during that time when we hadn't spoken for three months, I'd still clung to my love for her, and it has remained to this day.

Why am I telling you this, you wonder? It could be my feelings for Rin, I suppose, or reliving my youth. In any case, your Aunt Rin was quite the mature girl at age fourteen, and she experience more romance on those middle school years than most experience in their lives, so it shouldn't be too dull a story.

Anyway, before you lead me to digress, allow me to continue. Rin and I had known each other our entire lives, of course, and she had known Gumi since the first year of middle school, the year when they'd first been placed in the same class. She'd met her boyfriend, Piko, through a mutual friend of ours. I think the best place to start would be a week before he came into the picture as her boyfriend, a few days after she first showed an interest in him.

It was the summer semester of our third year of middle school. We were lounging around the classroom at lunchtime like any other day, and, like any other day, Rin wondered, "Why don't you go get us some bread from the cafeteria, Gakkun?"

"Sorry, but that doesn't interest me in the least," I replied, resting my head against Gumi's desk. We were sat in a row, starting with Gumi in the back left corner of the class, me in front of her, and Rin in front of me.

"Really?" Rin wondered absently, folding her arms on top of my desk and placing her chin on top. "I thought you were a masochist, though."

"Gumi classifies everyone as one or the other," I replied. "It doesn't mean I really am one."

"Rin's a definite sadist," Gumi analyzed, nodding proudly. How she could find the energy for that much movement in this suffocating heat was beyond me. Rin had already unbuttoned her shirt, seeing as the teacher and most of our classmates had vanished. My eyes admittedly lingered, but they swept off elsewhere once I noticed what I was doing. I'd gazed for long enough to see that a thin line of sweat had saturated the fabric of her undershirt, however. I never wore an undershirt in the summer days like this one, even if wearing one was part of school regulations. I hadn't been caught yet, and I also hadn't died from the heat.

"It's too hot to be a sadist," Rin mumbled, closing her eyes. Were I another boy, I might have assumed that she was showing off how perfectly she'd applied her eye shadow today, but I knew that I was the last person Rin tried to impress with her looks. I was her childhood friend, after all, and childhood friends only ever fell in love in fiction, or so she thought. "I'll be a masochist for today."

"It doesn't work that way, Rin," Gumi pouted, but even her energy was too low to argue for long. Instead, her forehead pressed into the long ponytail I'd splayed across her desk. "Gakkun, get off my desk."

"Rin's on mine," I mumbled, closing my eyes like Rin had. This school was too cheap to invest in air-conditioning, it seemed, despite how much we had to pay to come here. I wondered if it was hotter or cooler on the other side of the classroom. We were directly in the sun, after all, but we also had constant airflow from the open windows. And a license to daydream when classes got boring, though that was another topic all together. "Get your own."

"This is my own, you idiot," she whined, poking at my head as I moaned in displeasure. "Get off, dummy."

"Gumi, stop being mean to Gakupo," scolded my arriving saviour, the loveliest girl I'd ever met, our class president, Yuzuki Yukari, as she pulled up a chair next to my desk. I loved that girl; I really did. She was an oasis in the middle of the desert, a breath of fresh, cool air after an afternoon in a stagnant basement. I wasn't in love with her or anything, though many of my classmates would say they were. It was simply that, between Gumi and Rin, it was nice to have a girl who behaved like a lady. "He's just tired from that test."

"Right, the test," Gumi remarked, caught up in different thoughts now. She giggled and said, "I completely flunked that. How about you guys?"

"Well, some of us actually studied," I informed her, opening my eyes just enough to peer at Rin, whose breathing had slowed into a deep, constant pace as she fell asleep on my desk. I closed my eyes once more with a hint of a smile on my lips. Rin had been up late studying, so she could use some extra sleep. She'd texted me at four in the morning to let me know that she was finally going to sleep, unlike Gumi, who had texted me at four in the morning to say that she'd gotten completely sidetracked reading a book and was going to fail the test. "You really ought to try it."

"It was too late by the time I remembered!" Gumi complained, pouting pitifully. "I could have tried studying, but then I wouldn't have gotten any sleep!" With a sigh, she commented, "Well, at least Gakkun won't be at the absolute bottom of the class anymore."

"I never was, stupid, so shut up," I remarked, shutting up with a jolt of shock when something cold pressed against my tongue. I chewed the substance, which turned out to be rice, and swallowed before opening one eye to gaze at Yukari, who smiled sweetly at me with her chopsticks in hand.

"Close your eyes again, Gakupo," she ordered. "I'm sure you did well on the test, and this is your reward, okay?"

That was what I meant. She was the perfect lady, unlike the other two girls who surrounded me. Depressingly enough, however, Yukari had a boyfriend, a junior named Lui, who she'd been dating for a couple months. It had come as a shock to the boys in our class when he had first come around, followed by a deep depression when they saw that she was currently off the market. I could have fallen for her, I supposed, but I'd never been able to look at her that way, not when I had Rin sitting in front of me, sleeping so peacefully.

"You're lucky Lui's not the jealous type, Gakkun, or you'd be dead meat," Gumi informed me as I accepted another serving of rice from Yukari. "That reminds me. I heard that Rin and Piko exchanged numbers a few nights ago."

Rin had told me about that already, and I'd dismissed it, acting like it didn't bother me. She'd asked me if she should send him a text first, and so I'd asked her if she liked him, and her cheeks had flushed pink as she nodded. So, I'd told her that guys love it when girls text first since it means she was thinking about him. She said that they'd been texting non-stop since then, excluding last night. She'd complained about it, not being able to text him due to studying, which is why I knew about that.

"Rin's into older men, after all," I mumbled after swallowing the next mouthful. It was true, though I wasn't sure how much Rin had told the other two about it, so I didn't say anything more. I could feel Rin listening right now, anyway, so I had to be more careful about what I said. She was always roused by her name, but it seemed she was pretending to still be asleep. I knew her presence well enough, though, so I knew she was awake.

"Or women," Gumi haughtily added, defending her own right to Rin's heart. Rin was interested in both, she'd told me many times when we'd be watching a television show and she'd start talking about which characters were her favourites and why. She'd been romantically interested in earnest to quite a few female actresses.

"I can't believe Piko's preying on younger girls," Yukari giggled. She knew Piko personally, having been the object of his affections for three confessions before he'd moved on to Rin. On top of that, he was a newer friend of a childhood friend of hers, she said. "He must be getting desperate."

"So says the cougar," Rin piped up.

"And it speaks," I remarked, opening one eye to peer at Rin, who kept her eyes shut even after saying that. Her cheeks were a little pink, and I knew that she was offended by Yukari's words. She was too proud to admit to that, though, and she kept her eyes closed in order to seem cool and collected.

"I'm just teasing, Rin," Yukari insisted, laughing lightly to try to brush it off. "Piko's a great guy, and you're a great girl. I can easily see you two as a couple. You're both pretty quiet."

"That's the main personality trait you link to me?" questioned Rin, releasing a sigh. She repositioned herself to lean her cheek on her arm and shield her eyes from the window, consequentially causing her uniform shirt to fall a little more off her shoulders. I averted my gaze, as did Gumi. Yukari was the only one who didn't feel the need to gaze with caution. "Thanks, Yuu."

"That's not what I meant, Rin," Yukari laughed. "I'm glad that you've found a guy you like. You deserve it." Then, she spread a few papers she'd had on her lap onto my desk. I lifted my head off Gumi's desk and turned the sheets toward me to examine them. Music paper covered in notes and lyrics. "I came up with our next project. It's for Gumi."

Gumi had been pouting about Rin's new love interest a moment ago, but she perked up immediately at the sound of her name and reached over me to grab the sheets. However, before she could grab them, I shifted into her arm to knock her hand away. With a cry of outrage, she reached again, and again I knocked her away. This continued until Yukari took pity on Gumi and grabbed the sheets, knowing I wouldn't argue with her. She then handed them to Gumi. "It's called _Runaway Boy and Lost Girl_," Yukari told us all. "It'll be a series."

"You're giving the entire thing to Gumi?" Rin wondered absently, too exhausted by the heat to put any more emotion in her voice. "I don't think that's a good idea. Not an entire series, at least."

"No, not the entire series," Yukari corrected herself. "I thought maybe we could have Miku do the next part, then maybe Gakupo." Miku was our upperclassman, and, along with Rin's cousin Len, was a fellow member of the Vocaloid club. What that club name was meant to mean, I'll never be sure. It was Rin who named it.

"What about us?" Rin wondered, not even bothering to lift her head in order to seem just a little more polite. "I'm the club president; I can't just laze around and do nothing."

"You and I will do the editing," Yukari explained.

With that cleared up, Rin thought about it for less than a second before agreeing. "Yeah, that's fine. This can be our cultural festival submission." She locked eyes on me then and said, "You'd better do well, Gakkun, or I'll be mad. And go get me some bread."

Rin had me wrapped around her finger. Anyone could tell. The thing was, I didn't mind. I'd loved her all my life, even if there was someone else she loved, someone only she and I knew about.


	2. I Will Never Interfere with Her Wishes

Chapter Two

I Will Never Interfere with Her Wishes

The results of our tests had been exactly what we'd expected, given our individual study habits. My results were nothing admirable, but they were nothing shameful, either, despite Gumi's liking to believe that we were in the same boat. Rin's were relatively high, though Yukari's marks outshone those, given that the violet-haired girl studied daily. Rin could study well enough, but her devotion to schoolwork was simply a matter of pride, unlike Yukari, whose focus on schoolwork was an affair one such as myself couldn't quite comprehend. Gumi, as expected, got the lowest of our marks, just barely scraping by with her reasonably low mark.

Rin was glued to her phone throughout our lunch break, sending new messages to Piko and eagerly awaiting his reply. It was one of the few days where Yukari stayed home sick, so I spent most of my lunch discussing the light novel Gumi had loaned to me. I was only a good third of the way through the book, but she ended up spoiling the majority of the series in her excitement, asking if I'd met said character or if said event had happened yet or if I was completely annoyed by the development in the relationship of said character and said rival girl. I had to give her credit, however, for resisting talking to Rin all lunch. We'd both learned by now that trying to distract Rin from her crushes out of jealousy was ineffective, as she'd give up as we requested but she'd look so upset about it that we'd give in and allow her to return to her previous behaviour in a short moment.

After school, we skipped out on club activities to check on Yukari. However, Gumi had received a text message from the girl, requesting that we bring Lui along, so the green-haired girl left me behind to search for our friend's boyfriend, leaving just Rin and I on our way home. Rin and I were neighbours, so we walked to school and home together every single day. It was something I was accustomed to, of course, but I couldn't help but yearn for Gumi's return. I could see in Rin's eyes that, now that Gumi was out of the way and she wouldn't seem so inconsiderate, she wanted to talk about Piko. Rin had never realized my feelings, after all, but Gumi had proclaimed hers in the past, while Rin had still been hung up on someone Gumi knew nothing about. Rin was still hung up on that person, of course, and always will be, but she seemed to be trying to move on, at least a little.

"Hey, Gakkun."

I withheld a sigh, knowing what was coming now. It stung to acknowledge that she had absolutely no idea how I felt about her. She wouldn't have spoken so freely in front of me had she known. In a way, it felt like a betrayal of her trust. She looked up at me with those faith-filled eyes, after all, letting a little of her weakness show, a little of the insecurities that we'd grown up with together. I wondered if Piko could ever understand her the way I did. I knew everything there was to know about Rin, from the little scar on her left knee and how she got it, to her favourite ways to tie her hair when it was grown out long, to what kinds of movies were most likely to make her cry.

"What's up?" I prodded, gazing at her curiously. I knew exactly what she wanted to talk about, of course, but Rin didn't like knowing that she was easy to read, so I feigned ignorance and steadied my heart to listen to her unknowingly painful words.

"I was wondering if I should ask Piko out," she said, facing forward as her cheeks flushed a pale pink in embarrassment. I noticed her fingers running along the hem of her school skirt and gazed at her, feeling a little strange. It was odd to see Rin seriously considering this. If she was nervous, then it was real. She wouldn't care otherwise. Her blue eyes flicked toward me, so I drew my gaze up to meet them. "I mean, I really like him, and Yukari says we'd be good together. I'm not sure, but I think he's flirting with me. I've never really dated anyone before, though, so I don't know if I'd be good at it."

I wanted to look into her eyes as I comforted Rin, I really did, but I could only handle her liking someone else to a certain extent. So, instead, I stared forward and told her, "Yukari knows you really well, Rin. She's probably right if she thinks you two would be good together." I stuffed my hands in my pants pockets, resisting the urge to kick a rock or to simply shut up. I didn't want to say any of this to her, but she was Rin, and she needed me. I knew what she wanted to hear, even if I didn't want to say it, so I gazed at the gravel beneath our feet, listening to her footsteps and my slightly unsteady heartbeat, and told her, "Besides, it's been years since then. You should move on, shouldn't you?"

Rin didn't have to hold herself back, unlike me. She did exactly what I wanted to; she kicked one of the rocks at her feet to get out some of her frustration. "I know I should," she mumbled, staring at the ground as I spared a glance at her. I could only bear to look at her because I knew she wasn't looking at me. "I mean, it's not like I'll ever see him again." She smiled mournfully as she said that, and I thought, not for the first time, _If you fell in love with me, I could carry that burden for you. You don't have to give him up to be with me. I'd never ask that of you._ "Besides, I doubt he'd be interested in someone like me, anyway. He didn't look at me that way in the first place." She lifted a hand to her chest, curling her fingers into a fist as she knitted her brow painfully. "I don't think this feeling will ever go away, though. I still love him." Those words were as painful to hear this time as they had always been, but she looked at me with those trusting eyes, sharing her true feelings with me like she never had anyone else. "It's not fair to Piko if I fall for him, is it?"

I honestly couldn't see Rin falling for Piko. For her, she just wanted a boyfriend. That was how I saw it, at least. She didn't think I would ever be someone like that to her, and Piko was the first boy to truly show an interest in her. I knew Rin, though. She might have thought she had feelings for him, but they wouldn't be strong enough to last long, especially not where _he_ still held her heart in his hand. Rin didn't want to hear that, though, and, if she was ever going to move on, she needed to start somewhere. So, I told her, "You should definitely go for it, Rin. How're you going to know if you like him or not if you don't even try it once?"

Rin sighed, looking a little more relaxed after I'd said the words she wanted to hear, and she expressed, "Sometimes, I wish I could just forget about him. It would be much easier. I mean, I'm fourteen. Teenage life is supposed to be about dating and romance, right? Sure, having long-lasting feelings like this is great for some adults' story, but how am I supposed to have the kind of life in a teenagers' story if I'm hung up on him?"

I smiled, a little rueful. I supposed that meant I wasn't promised a proper teenage life either, then. In all honesty, I believe my life was well enough a normal teenage life. Despite what the media forced down our throats daily, it was my friends in high school and junior high that mattered to me, more so than developing a romance with Rin or the girl who'd asked me out a few weeks after this conversation. "Just try not to think about him, Rin," I answered, secretly begrudging of the place he had in her heart. "You really ought to give this Piko guy a chance. For all you know, he could be the one to make you forget that guy." I knew both then and now that that had been a lie.

She smiled at my reassurance and replied, "Yeah, I think I will." Then, she sighed once more and gazed at her phone. "If only he'd ask me out already. I'm not exactly subtle when it comes to flirting, you know?" She mused for a moment, casting her eyes to the bright blue sky. "It's pretty obvious that I want him to ask me out, I think. Maybe I should ask him out. It's not like we're still in a male-dominated society, at least not really." She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. "Do guys like it when girls ask them out?"

I laughed a little and responded, "I wouldn't know. People aren't attracted to me like they are to you, Rin."

Rin smiled a bit at that and confessed, "I'm glad he likes me, though. Yukari always has boys fawning over her, and girls ask Gumi out all the time. I was starting to feel a little left behind." Her eyes widened as she realized something, and she quickly explained, "It's not like I'm interested in Piko just because he likes me, though! I really do like him! He's really funny and nice, and he's pretty mature and stuff. He cares for his younger brothers all the time, too."

"Is that so?" I wondered, knowing better than to say anything more. If I pretended to be a fan of Piko's, I would hate myself. In addition, I knew my words would sound hollow when most of what I was thinking revolved around resentment.

Meanwhile, we'd arrived at Yukari's house. Her parents let us in, so Rin headed up to our friend's room, me following a bit behind. I knew the protocol with Gumi and Yukari: I was a boy, so one of the girls had to check in first to make sure she was decent. Rin and I had been friends for so long that she didn't care. Admittedly, I wished she'd care. She barely even saw me as a man, I supposed, since we'd been friends for so long.

"Yuu, can we come in?" Rin requested, peeking her head through the crack of the door as I hung back. "It's me and Gakkun. Gumi's gone to get Lui."

"Come on in," came Yukari's soft, effeminate voice. She sounded so much older and far more mature than Rin, and it was no wonder that boys fell for her so often. As I followed Rin into the girl's room, Yukari was sitting up in her bed with a soft smile. Even with cheeks red with fever, make-up not having been applied, a faint sheen of sweat on her face, and uncombed hair, she was stunning. When she turned her sweet gaze onto me, I wondered once again why I couldn't love her instead of Rin. However, the moment Rin went to Yukari's bedside, my eyes turned immediately to her, and I knew there was no one else I'd ever want.

"How are you doing, Yuu?" Rin wondered, sitting beside Yukari on the bed. Kagamine Rin thought she was invincible to illness despite the fact that she'd get sick every single time she'd visit me while I was sick, right from when we were little. In retrospect, maybe I should have kept her away from the sick Yukari, but I knew Rin would come back later even if I did.

"I'm fine," Yukari replied with a delicate smile. "Thank you both for coming to visit. Did you let Miku and Len know that you wouldn't be going to the club today?"

Rin nodded and replied, "They're going to come visit you later, if that's okay. You're mother said you'd probably still be out tomorrow when I called at lunch, so I thought we'd visit today, and they could visit tomorrow. Is that alright with you?"

"Of course." Then, she wondered, "How are things going with Piko? He's stopped texting me every day since you two started talking. I think he's very interested, Rin."

Rin's cheeks reddened, and she told her friend, "I'm thinking of asking him out myself if he doesn't ask me soon. Do you think that would be too pushy, though? I'm not sure how guys react to that, especially since Gakkun here is no help whatsoever." She scowled over to me as I lingered near the doorway, praying for Gumi to arrive soon and change this conversation topic.

"I'm sure he'd love it if you asked him out," Yukari replied reassuringly, turning Rin's gaze back to her. "His past two girlfriends didn't work out to well, after all, so he might be afraid to ask you out. You're incredibly pretty, too, Rin, so he might think you're out of his league."

Rin was out of everyone's league. That was what Yukari didn't realize. While it might have been true that they'd be a good pair, Rin and Piko, there was no one who could meet Rin's standards or be worthy of her. There was only one person who could stand by her side, and he was far gone. We could never know if he'd come back, and, being the love-sick, jealous teenage boy I couldn't not be, I prayed to God that he wouldn't.

But Rin scoffed at this and replied, "That's crazy. He went after you, Yuu, and asked you out three times. _You're_ out of _my_ league. There's no way he thinks I'm out of his league."

Yukari glanced at me, and I knew she wanted me to interject, so, with a sigh, I remarked, "You know, Rin, you and Yukari-chan are completely different types." Rin looked to me now, and Yukari smiled gratefully, her eyes prodding me to go on. I wasn't sure why she needed me to speak like this, but I obliged, anyway, especially now that I could see Rin finding some reassurance in my words. "Yukari-chan is a softer, more delicate girl. To put it simply, she's the stereotypically weak girl that most boys are attracted to." I winced, peering at Yukari to be sure that I hadn't offended her, but she just giggled silently and invited me to go on.

"You're saying I'm not feminine?" Rin wondered, showing some of her elusive insecurity as she tugged unconsciously as the flowered bracelet she wore. When Rin was younger, she was constantly identified as a boy due to her short hair and tomboyish attire. In addition, when she tied her hair back like his, she was constantly mistaken for Len. The fact that she wasn't well endowed didn't help that, either, nor did her tendency to wear shorts rather than skirts, albeit short, girlish, jean ones. Rin was surprisingly self-conscious about her lack of femininity, especially since she'd recently taken to dressing more girlishly and wearing makeup, with Miku's assistance.

So, knowing exactly what to say to make Rin happy, I shook my head and told her honestly, "It's not that you're not feminine. Anyone who mistakes you for Len is simply doing so because he's so feminine himself. You just come off as more . . . independent than Yukari-chan or Gumi. Stronger, in a way. It makes boys wary of you, because they know you'd be fine on your own. You can survive without a boyfriend, or girlfriend, if that's what you decide to go with." I shook my head, knowing I was risking getting side-tracked. "Anyway, it's harder for people to approach you than it is to approach Yukari-chan or Gumi." I reached an arm to touch the nape of my neck, getting nervous with the two girls watching me as I averted my gaze. "Am I making any sense?"

Rin offered me a bit of a smile when I looked at her and replied, "I guess so. It makes me feel a little better." She sighed, though, and looked to Yukari. "I'm still jealous of you, though, Yuu. You and Lui have been dating for two months already, plus you dated Dell for almost four months back before Christmas."

Yukari laughed at that and replied, "Dell is nothing to be jealous of, Rin. He was just dating me to get Miki jealous, after all." She rolled her eyes a little, something uncharacteristic of her, which told me that what he'd done still stung her. "Miki and I may be in the same class, but that doesn't mean we're close friends or anything. I'm not sure what he thought."

Rin nodded vehemently and replied, "Yeah, he really sucked, huh?" She looked to me, and I might have jumped if I hadn't grown so used to her actions by this point in time. "You'd never do something stupid like that, right, Gakkun?"

I'm not a saint, nor was I back then. I'd considered dating Yukari once before simply to make Rin jealous. I could never confess that to either of them, though, even if I'd already confessed that feeling to Gumi. "Of course not," I agreed, slipping immediately into the role they'd assigned me to. I was meant to be the nice guy, I supposed, which was fine with me. I _was_ that person, per se, but not completely. I could argue, and I could say hurtful things. Like I've already said, I'm nowhere near a saint. I agreed that Dell was wrong to do what he had, but I still understood him, just a little, and could relate. "I'd never do that."

Rin nodded as though she'd known all along and told Yukari, "Lui is much better, though." Lui was a worker in the library, I should mention, and that was where Rin always went to study, so the two were relatively close. "Maybe the four of us can go on double dates if Piko and I get together."

I tuned out as well as I could for the time being, hoping Rin wouldn't notice, because I wasn't sure how many more of her words it would take to make the pain in my heart too much to handle.


	3. I'll Never Say Anything to Hurt Her

Chapter Three

I'll Never Say Anything to Hurt Her

Gumi and I were kindred spirits in a way, so we were constantly together when Rin went out with Yukari or someone else. Both our lives currently revolved around Rin, so we had nothing else to do when she wasn't with us. I've sometimes wondered how things would have turned out if Gumi hadn't started dating someone immediately after she and Rin broke up. Rin was insecure, you see, and she liked having something to fall back on. She was a bit wicked if you think of that. She never firmly said no to anyone who asked her out or showed an interest. Perhaps a better word would be lonely. She feared being alone, so she wanted to always be sure that there'd be someone there for her when she was in need. I've never quite forgiven her for this trait, but my love for her makes it easy to forget it until it creeps up from these memories.

I seem to have digressed. What I meant to be telling you is that Gumi and I were together at her house when we received texts from Yukari and Rin, respectively. That from Yukari held a bit of anger since Rin had supposedly guilted her way out of plans she and Yukari had made for the weekend in order for them both to go to a party Piko had invited them to. Yukari had been looking forward to being alone with Rin, apparently, and was incredibly upset to have to go to the party instead. It went on like that for a couple messages. Rin's text, instead, simply said that she was going to a party with Piko and she thought he might ask her out. Gumi and I worked together to respond to Yukari, because she was the easier of the two for us to deal with, and then we both fell silent and stared at Rin's text, neither one wanting to congratulate her. Eventually, we dragged a false cheerfulness out of ourselves to share in her joy. Once the message was sent, however, Gumi shuffled to her CD tower and riffled through the innumerable discs before finally pulling out a track. With a disappointed scowl, she showed it to me. I let out a soft, miserable laugh. It was one of the CDs that Miku had produced, this one filled fully with sad songs. With a grimace, I gestured toward the CD player. Gumi crawled over to it and inserted the CD, pressing play.

_Outwards and Inwards._

I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, drawing my head back for a second to pull my ponytail out of the way before sitting back once more. I listened to the first track alongside Gumi as I listened to her shuffling things around on her desk. I'd seen what was on her desk already. She'd shown them to me. The majority of those contents was letters of apology, where she'd written what she wanted to tell Rin. She wanted to say that she'd never cared about Meiko, that she'd only dated her to get Rin's attention back. While I was the only one who truly knew why it was, there was no one who could deny that Rin was never fully there when she was in a relationship. She must have really hurt Gumi, especially considering they'd been dating up until three weeks ago. They'd agreed that they were better as friends, though it was only on Rin's side that it had been heartfelt. Rin was rather cruel to have moved on so quickly, wasn't she? Gumi wasn't over her, obviously, even if Rin only saw her flirting and proclamations of love as a joke now. Gumi's feelings weren't a joke; her girlfriend was. I'd asked Gumi multiple times if she wanted me to dump Meiko for her, but she would just get this sad look and say that she might as well give it a chance. She never saw Meiko, though, so I didn't see the point of her continuing the relationship. They even went to different schools.

I felt the heat of Gumi's body beside me as she slid onto the ground, leaning her head on my shoulder. Her smaller hand found my own, and she held on to me. I squeezed her hand in return. People seeing us might've thought we were a couple, but that was something we'd never be. As you know, your Aunt Gumi and I have always been close. We grew closer after that summer. As I've already said many times and will say many times over, we were kindred spirits. We were both in love with Rin, and we both knew that she'd never love us back. I have to be jealous of Gumi, though. At least she got to be with Rin, even if it was for a short time. Even if she was later deposited right back into the friend zone, at least she'd gotten to get out of it, even for a heartbeat.

"I hate him," she murmured to me as the song switched tracks.

_Our Let-It-Be._

"If he's the one she falls in love with, I'll never forgive him." I felt her breath on me, and I listened calmly to her voice. I understood Gumi too well, but I also knew better than her. There was no need to worry. Rin was still in love, and she always would be. She wasn't the kind of girl to fall out of love. I could never be sure whether that was a good thing. If she fell in love with someone unattainable, at least, I had no need to worry about her ending up with someone else. If she could fall out of love, though, maybe she could fall in love with me. That would always be a fantasy, though, because she'd only ever love _him_. He was her first love. She was mine.

"She won't fall in love with him," I said, because I was certain of it. I could tell that she didn't believe me, though, and I wanted to tell her about _him_, but it was the one thing that kept me closer to Rin than everyone else, wasn't it? In all truth, I knew that I'd be of no use to Rin if I didn't know about him. I was sure she loved me as her best friend, but, if it weren't for that secret between the two of us, she could move on and find someone better suited for her. So, instead of telling Gumi about him, I simply said, "Just trust me."

I felt Gumi reposition herself, and the papers she must have grabbed off her desk brushed against my jeans. After a moment, she told me, "It's not you that I don't trust, Gakkun. I don't trust _her_ not to fall in love."

I opened my eyes to look at Gumi. She stared up at me, and that wounded expression might have made any other boy swoon. Gumi was beautiful, after all, even more so when she was up close like this and the perfection of her skin showed even more. No girl would ever sway my heart, though, because Rin was the only one I could ever love. It was a miserable feeling, to be brutally honest, and there were many times when I would have given anything not to be in love with her. It's useless to love someone who could never return those feelings, after all, and I could even tell at that age just how my life would go.

We both looked toward my phone as it began to vibrate. Without breaking our hold on each other, we each reached for our respective phones. The times like these, when Gumi showed her serious side, I could see myself falling in love with her, despite her being another person who could never love me back. I never fell in love with her, though. I actually tried a few times. The odds of Gumi falling for me were greater than those of Rin falling for me, after all, despite Gumi's liking girls.

Yukari had sent another text about Rin changing their plans, and Rin had sent one asking if Yukari was upset. I said she wasn't. I lied about my feelings for Rin daily, after all, so wasn't it okay for me to lie about others' feelings for her, too? By the time Gumi had sent off her reply to Yukari, the CD player had gone on to the third track.

_Love Me._

Gumi sighed as we leaned against the wall once more, and she complained, "This is just sad. We're high school students, right? Aren't these supposed to be the best years of our lives? We should just get over her and enjoy ourselves, right?"

I let out a mirthless laugh. She gazed at me curiously. "The moment you figure out how to do that, let me know. It would definitely make my life a lot easier."

"I guess you're right," was all she said in response, gazing down on her lap to read her apology letters over again. I closed my eyes again, listening to Miku's voice. Miku herself had never been in love, or even liked someone for that matter, so I'd never understood how it was that she managed to write songs about heartbreak or falling in love. This song, though, I understood. This was a song I could imagine her writing, and it made me feel so guilty for loving Rin so much. Miku had never felt that feeling. She'd tried to fall in love before. For a while, even, she'd tried to fall in love with me, but nothing worked. Miku never fell in love with anyone all throughout high school. She never went on a date, and she never had her first kiss. No one ever fell in love with her, but she'd decided that summer that it was for the best. She learned from the rest of us. For high school, at least, it was better not to fall in love. Focussing on friends was what really mattered. If only the rest of us had realized that sooner, our summer might not have been so dreadful. It's hard not to look back on these days without feeling that all-encompassing regret, but it's too late to change anything now.

_When the First Love Ends._

"Hey, you two, stop being bums and come to karaoke with us!"

The door swung open without a moment's notice, and Gumi and I jumped apart. Gumi, seeing that we wouldn't have long before the song was recognized, yanked the CD player's cord out of the outlet and sprang to her feet. I remained where I was, knowing jumping up like that was suspicious, and lolled my head toward Miku, who stood in Gumi's doorway with a huge grin on her face. Beside her stood Rin's cousin, Len. I'd always thought that he had feelings for Miku, but I'd found out later that his feelings were for someone else. Miku simply dragged him along everywhere since all our other club members, ie Yukari, Rin, Gumi, and I, shared the same homeroom. Len's eyes were glued to his phone's screen as he continued composing a text message to a classmate.

"Who let you in?" wondered Gumi, peering around them curiously. Gumi's parents were out, so we'd been alone for the past two hours. Had someone come back without our noticing? Our minds _had_ been elsewhere.

Miku rolled her eyes and remarked, "If you don't want people breaking and entering, learn to lock the door." Then, she strode into the room and grabbed my hands. As she pulled, I knew better than to not get up. "Let's go, guys! Yukari and Rin are gonna meet us there, so we gotta hurry!"

We couldn't sit around feeling sorry for ourselves forever, I supposed, so I looked to Gumi and stated, "We're not doing anything, anyway, so we might as well go."

Gumi was stuffing the letters back into her desk, hoping that the others wouldn't notice, so she just chirped with a grin, "Fine, fine. Go on out, I'll meet you guys in a minute. I gotta lock up and stuff."

Miku pulled my hand and said, "Alright, Gakkun, let's go!"

I knew better than to resist, so I followed Miku and Len out. I didn't want to see Rin right now, but, at the same time, there was nothing I wanted more. At least I'd have Gumi by my side. I just prayed that Rin wouldn't talk about the party. I wasn't sure I could handle that.


End file.
